Ok moms, this is a good subject and one most of us struggle with. One day your daughter is tucking her sweet little baby doll into its crib and the next she’s talking about boys and wants to go on a date or to a friend’s “party” oh my goodness you think to yourself, I don’t think so! Hold up, I have done the same thing and by not allowing your daughter to grow and spread her wings (a little) as they go through their stages will only damage them and make things worse…it’s called a daughter who becomes rebellious, unruly and one that will sneak out of the house because you never allowed her to grow and enjoy some freedom.
Freedom: Oh such a sweet word for a daughter to hear, she reaches a certain age and then gets to do this and do that and your sitting their thinking this is not possible, did I agree to this? You just kind of sit there in disbelief telling yourself that it’s that time, the time you must let them expand their wings, find themselves and stop doing every little thing for them.
Hey, they can now tie their own shoes, pick out their clothes, brush their hair and dress themselves, as much as we would still like to do that we have to “let go” at this stage and let them start being independent, start finding “themselves” and start learning responsibility and the end results of their decisions. Now, I don’t mean too independent as there are rules to follow.
As moms we are very protective of our daughter/s and to start letting them become more independent kind of hurts but is necessary in order for them to grow into responsible and mature young ladies.
You keep telling yourself you don’t want to let them “go” it’s not time yet! Well guess what… it’s time to let her do things for herself and make decisions on her own (I’m talking about minor decisions here) and she will learn from every decision she makes whether good or bad and she will grow and learn from them and become a better person. It is however, important for you mom to be there when she falls, help her and guide her by picking up the pieces and moving on.
There will come a time while your daughter is growing that you will have to learn to trust your daughter and hope that what you have taught and instilled in her as she grew up will kick in when they start getting into their teens and want to venture and do different things. You trust them until they give you reason not to trust them. Do not become obsessed in demanding to read their text messages or monitor their calls or even sneak into their room to read their notes. They need privacy! Do not cross this line as it will cause damage to your relationship with your daughter. The only time you may need to start monitoring calls or “investigating” would be if you feel and know in your heart (you should know because as mothers we should be very intuitive to what’s going on) when you feel this first talk with your daughter, if you feel something else is “going on” and she won’t talk and you feel it will endanger her then and only then should you carefully start crossing that line of privacy.
It’s imperative to explain to them the mother/daughter trust, the importance and end results of breaking this trust. All my daughters knew this and I think sometimes it was always in the back of their minds which helped them refrain from doing things they probably shouldn’t have done.
Now, granted no teen is perfect nor are mine and I wouldn’t expect that as there is not one person alive who is perfect, including me. You can expect your daughter to at least once run into some kind of trouble through their teen lives, this is normal and if they didn’t it would be odd. Whether it’s just a small problem or a bigger one they will encounter at least one or perhaps many during their teen years, so be ready and tackle it calmly and as gently as possible and be mature about it, after all you are the parent. Screaming does not help in any situation when your teens are growing, because eventually it just goes in one ear and out the other, plus you can pretty much guarantee you will close the doors of communication making it very difficult to reopen.
As mothers our natural instinct is to protect but don’t let it get in the way or cloud your thinking in giving your daughter some freedom, some freedom to expand her wings, find herself and become a young lady. Too much, what we like to call ‘Protection’ can cause more damage than intended so be aware of over protection.