May 112011

Parenting Advice Such as, I love you (you really can’t say this one enough in any given day), I value your opinions, I am proud of you, you did a great job, you look beautiful, your very talented, I am always here if you need to talk, and on and on. Let it become a daily habit for you to speak positive and loving words to your daughter and if you have a good relationship it should come naturally and always from the heart.

There is no room at all for negative and hurtful words to your daughter at any age…just don’t do it. You may be thinking it in your head, but keep it there.

If they do wrong, you let them know you don’t agree with what they did and that their decision has consequences, but no means do not tell them they are stupid, bad, ugly, will never amount to anything and so forth…what you may not realize, if you’re not thinking, is you blurt something out in anger that is very hurtful and very hard to take back and a little word like ‘stupid’ or any other negative word can affect her for the rest of  her life and have an impact on how she raises her own children…there is no room for this whatsoever in your daughter’s life…please think before you speak just as you teach your daughter to do.

Apr 162011

Cassi, Ashli, Brittani, Charli Jane and WendiA mother & daughters love can never be replaced or substituted with anything!

If you have raised your daughter to be respectful, responsible and compassionate then that bond and love only grows deeper every day. A mother/daughter relationship…there is nothing like it in the world nor will you ever encounter anything that creates such emotions of joy, fulfillment, laughter, love and yes even sadness and frustration sometimes, this is why I call parenting daughters, Riding the Rollercoaster… It can be a long and bumpy ride with many ups and downs…but you can do it and you will survive and believe it or not you will enjoy it because it’s the best ride of your life!

To be quite honest moms have a tendency to wonder if they are giving their daughters enough love or if their daughter loves them. This can be the case especially with moms who have more than one daughter and are trying to juggle enough attention for each one, but it can be done and should be done. Why do we feel like this? You told your daughter ‘no’ so she starts crying, throws her books across the room and stomps out of the room while you are trying to talk to her, well not to worry because this is normal and all girls go through different stages in their teen lives, thus the Rollercoaster Ride.

We as moms have to take all stages and events in stride and just be patient, understanding, listen and be there for them the best while giving them the right amount of love and discipline. A rest easy mom, your daughter still loves you.

A mothers love is always unconditional it doesn’t matter what your daughter does you will still love her, you may not agree with her, you may be upset, you may not like the action or decision she chose but you should always be there to support and love your daughter.

A mother should be a daughter’s biggest supporter. Listen to her. Love her with all your heart. Discipline. Encourage her always. Teach good values and morals. Spend time together. Remember you are the strongest role model in your daughter’s life.

For some tips & support I created a report called ‘20 Ways to Support & Encourage Your Teenage Daughter’ most of these are common sense and built into us as mothers but some may be overlooked quite frequently as we go through our busy and hectic lives. You can get this report in the right navigation bar or simply send me an email and I am happy to send it to you.

Mar 152011

Parenting Advice: Being a Good Role ModelWhat they see is what they do. ..always remember this.

This starts young, very young, once they become teens they aren’t as impressionable anymore but they still “do” and “learn” what mom and dad do. It is not the responsibility nor should you rely on teachers, pastors, neighbors, grandparents, etc. to be the best role model for your child. Understand that there will be many role models in your child’s life that will effective them, but ultimately you are and always will be the best role model in your child’s life…remember this.

Ok moms and dads, I know this is a tough one sometimes, but believe me everything your daughter sees she learns and wants to do the same or in their mind thinks its ok to do the same.

So it’s important to always be on guard, you won’t always be perfect but always be conscious of what you’re doing and what you’re saying in front of your daughter, whether they are young or in their teens.

It’s a funny thing that kids pick up on so much that we don’t even realize it. From my daughters younger years I have tried my hardest to mind my P’s and Q’s and that means I don’t swear, gossip, excessive drinking and do adult things around them and even to this day I try to be on my best behavior and the best role model I can be…I’m not perfect and make mistakes just like everyone else and sometimes it’s hard to bite your tongue, but I am always aware of where they are when I am having adult conversations, I treat others with respect so they will learn the same, I taught them it’s not nice to neither talk about other people nor engage in gossip and that it’s none of their business.

As adults your kids do not need to see everything you do and hear everything you say, some things are meant for adults only and your kids don’t need to be dragged into your adult conversations or problems nor overhear them…so always be aware of where your kids are before engaging or talking about things meant only for adults…they don’t need their minds clouded with what is yet to come…just let them be kids.

Feb 102011

Parenting Advice: Parenting Teenage DaughtersOk moms, this is a good subject and one most of us struggle with. One day your daughter is tucking her sweet little baby doll into its crib and the next she’s talking about boys and wants to go on a date or to a friend’s “party” oh my goodness you think to yourself, I don’t think so! Hold up, I have done the same thing and by not allowing your daughter to grow and spread her wings (a little) as they go through their stages will only damage them and make things worse…it’s called a daughter who becomes rebellious, unruly and one that will sneak out of the house because you never allowed her to grow and enjoy some freedom.

Freedom: Oh such a sweet word for a daughter to hear, she reaches a certain age and then gets to do this and do that and your sitting their thinking this is not possible, did I agree to this?  You just kind of sit there  in disbelief  telling yourself that it’s that time, the time you must let them expand their wings, find themselves and stop doing every little thing for them.

Hey, they can now tie their own shoes, pick out their clothes, brush their hair and dress themselves, as much as we would still like to do that we have to “let go” at this stage and let them start being independent, start finding “themselves” and start learning responsibility and the end results of their decisions. Now, I don’t mean too independent as there are rules to follow.

As moms we are very protective of our daughter/s and to start letting them become more independent kind of hurts but is necessary in order for them to grow into responsible and mature young ladies.

You keep telling yourself you don’t want to let them “go” it’s not time yet! Well guess what… it’s time to let her do things for herself and make decisions on her own (I’m talking about minor decisions here) and she will learn from every decision she makes whether good or bad and she will grow and learn from them and become a better person. It is however, important for you mom to be there when she falls, help her and guide her by picking up the pieces and moving on.

There will come a time while your daughter is growing that you will have to learn to trust your daughter and hope that what you have taught and instilled in her as she grew up will kick in when they start getting into their teens and want to venture and do different things. You trust them until they give you reason not to trust them. Do not become obsessed in demanding to read their text messages or monitor their calls or even sneak into their room to read their notes. They need privacy! Do not cross this line as it will cause damage to your relationship with your daughter. The only time you may need to start monitoring calls or “investigating” would be if you feel and know in your heart (you should know because as mothers we should be very intuitive to what’s going on) when you feel this first talk with your daughter, if you feel something else is “going on” and she won’t talk and you feel it will endanger her then and only then should you carefully start crossing that line of privacy.

It’s imperative to explain to them the mother/daughter trust, the importance and end results of breaking this trust. All my daughters knew this and I think sometimes it was always in the back of their minds which helped them refrain from doing things they probably shouldn’t have done.

Now, granted no teen is perfect nor are mine and I wouldn’t expect that as there is not one person alive who is perfect, including me. You can expect your daughter to at least once run into some kind of trouble through their teen lives, this is normal and if they didn’t it would be odd. Whether it’s just a small problem or a bigger one they will encounter at least one or perhaps many during their teen years, so be ready and tackle it calmly and as gently as possible and be mature about it, after all you are the parent. Screaming does not help in any situation when your teens are growing, because eventually it just goes in one ear and out the other, plus you can pretty much guarantee you will close the doors of communication making it very difficult to reopen.

As mothers our natural instinct is to protect but don’t let it get in the way or cloud your thinking in giving your daughter some freedom, some freedom to expand her wings, find herself and become a young lady. Too much, what we like to call ‘Protection’ can cause more damage than intended so be aware of over protection.

Jan 122011

Parenting Advice: Should Your Young Teen Daughter Wear Makeup?So you have a young teen daughter who thinks they are going on 18. They are at the point where they think they “know everything” and want to express their individuality and their new found bodies. Granted some girls and depending on their maturity level may discover this and go through this stage much earlier.

This article is about your daughter demanding to wear makeup because she thinks it makes her look beautiful and all the boys will notice her and of course because her friends are doing it and she wants to “fit in”. Now, each and every home has rules and depending on yours will determine when you let your daughter start wearing makeup. I have four daughters in which three have graduated and once upon a time, we did not allow our daughters to wear makeup until they were fifteen and at that it was very little. Now, as time has gone I have become a little “softer” in my older age and had let my youngest daughter at age fourteen start wearing very, very little makeup and only once in a while.

My best words of advice is to start young in letting your daughter/s know that beauty comes from the inside, help them with their self-esteem and self-respect and let them know they are beautiful without makeup. Instill this in your daughter and repeat it all the time and you will see a BIG difference when it comes time for the makeup scenario. Now, I mentioned my fourteen year old had started wearing a little makeup but I also know it was a stage she was going through, so I allowed her some room to grow and find herself…I say “some” don’t let it get carried away, set rules and amounts of makeup your daughter can wear and when she can wear it.  Now, if you totally say NO to your daughter all the time about wearing makeup then what you may find is your daughter sneaking makeup to school, etc., you don’t even want to start down that road at such an early age because what begins with sneaking makeup to school becomes sneaking out the window in the middle of the night to see her boyfriend…why? Because they have gotten so used to you saying No all the time that they don’t ask any more they just DO regardless of the consequences.

Also, remember your daughters see and learn from their moms, they have been watching you for a very long time, so if you have a tendency to wear heavy makeup and stress over leaving the house because you don’t have makeup on then trust me they will become like you…they will become self-consciences hence a lower self-esteem. Try not to instill this in your daughter because you want her to be happy with just being herself and you want her to have a healthy self-esteem. I always say natural is best, and just a little bit of make up when appropriate.

Although I don’t deal with this issue anymore I have come to learn that by allowing my daughter/s to start wearing makeup at a certain age and doing it respectfully so that they have all come to be comfortable leaving the house in any given day without an ounce of make up on and not even having a second thought about it.

Don’t stress over the fights you have with your daughter in wearing makeup, if you have already discussed this subject in previous years with her it will make it so much easier, if not you must stay strong, stick to your rules and follow through with them. Try and set limits with her, meet her half way and come to a compromise that both of you will be happy with.

Remember don’t worry too much over the makeup scenario at this age because really this will become a quick and distant memory as you enter a whole new world of much more challenging issues and problems as your daughter/s go through their teen lives…the wearing makeup thing…this to will pass.

Dec 182010

As a teen, your daughter needs to understand responsibility, they need to learn that every decision they make has an end result whether good or bad and this needs to be a learning lesson for them. They need to understand that they are 100% responsible for their actions and choices. It’s your job as a parent to teach them that there are consequences/end results of every single decision and action they make.

This is important because it will teach them as they go through life to think before acting and know that they are responsible for their own actions. Now, granted there is a line to draw and as such don’t let them make the decision like going to a party where you know the parents are gone, older boys will be present, etc. I am talking about every day normal and usually “safe” choices they have to make in their daily lives…give her some space…let her learn while you keep a “safe distance” eye on her.

I do want to note that if your daughter comes to you for advice on handling a certain situation, please Do Not ignore her and say, “I don’t know, you decide” you need to advise her in what you feel is the best way to handle her situation and then tell her the final decision is up to her, if she can’t make up her mind and she says, “Mom I just don’t know what to do” and she can’t decide then she needs more direction and guidance and this where you step in.

Nov 142010

Parenting Advice: Sharing Time with your DaughterThis is truly one of the best gifts you can give your daughter…TIME. It’s not the ipods, computers, cell phones, designer clothes, a new car and so on. It’s…time.

It’s ok to give your kids “gifts” or “things” once in a while as mentioned above but don’t try and replace that with time because you’re feeling guilty. You cannot buy time nor love. I do understand that many parents both work and so they have little time to give but guess what you have to find the time, this is so important. You took on the responsibility of having kids and it’s your responsibility to make sure you have time for them.

If both parents work and you’re frustrated and feeling guilty because you don’t spend enough time with your daughter then it’s time to find a healthy balance. If you have weekends off for example, the house is a mess, laundry up to your eyes balls, fuzzies in the corners and friendly spiders hanging from the cracks…so what. Take the time and go to the mall or the park with your daughter, go do something fun and enjoy it, talk with her…laugh with her and you know what? Your house chores will still be there when you get back and if you have to stay up an hour or so later to do what you need then that’s what you need to do.

Set a weekly “date” with your daughter to do something together whether it’s all day or just an hour. You don’t have to leave the house all the time you can simply sit and watch your favorite movie together, laugh and eat popcorn or do a craft together or decorate her room together, etc.

This is really important and something that is lacking in a lot of mother/daughter relationships. Your daughter needs to be encouraged, to know you care and to know that you love her. The last thing you want your daughter feeling is that you don’t have time for her, which translates into many things which can spiral into many problems plus you’re closing the doors of communication which you never want closed.